glitterlion:

This idea that you “have” to forgive people in order to move on or whatever is complete and utter bullshit. You don’t “have” to forgive anyone in order to live a life that’s fulfilling to you.

sad for my mother

Having a lot of mixed emotions because things are not, and I guess have never really been what they should.

As much shit as I sometimes talk and think about certain people, all I want the most is for everyone to be happy. I just want them to not be sad. But I feel like any choice I make, someone is sad no matter what.

Knowing its out of my control and there really isn’t much I can do to make everyone happy like I want is fucking rough. It makes my stomach hurt, takes away my appetite, saps my energy while keeping me awake at night. I cannot enjoy myself or have the motivation to really give anything my all when I feel this way.

I feel like my family is on the brink of falling apart. And while moving out may help me not witness it so intensely, knowing it’s still happening wherever I am still hinders me.

I wish I could give my sister the balance she struggles to achieve.
I wish I could change my dad to be more emotionally involved and aware for my mother.
I wish I could give my father the close-knit and enthusiastically loving family that he wants.

I want everyone to be happy including me but I don’t think it’ll ever happen. In fact, I think it might just get worse.

It would be nice to be more optimistic by nature rather than being such a realist; I would be less exhausted and wouldn’t have to deal with turning away and forcing myself to move on from things…

Ahh, I don’t know what to do. Fuck, fuck, fuck.