might make them angry
it will make
This idea that you “have” to forgive people in order to move on or whatever is complete and utter bullshit. You don’t “have” to forgive anyone in order to live a life that’s fulfilling to you.
sad for my mother
Having a lot of mixed emotions because things are not, and I guess have never really been what they should.
As much shit as I sometimes talk and think about certain people, all I want the most is for everyone to be happy. I just want them to not be sad. But I feel like any choice I make, someone is sad no matter what.
Knowing its out of my control and there really isn’t much I can do to make everyone happy like I want is fucking rough. It makes my stomach hurt, takes away my appetite, saps my energy while keeping me awake at night. I cannot enjoy myself or have the motivation to really give anything my all when I feel this way.
I feel like my family is on the brink of falling apart. And while moving out may help me not witness it so intensely, knowing it’s still happening wherever I am still hinders me.
I wish I could give my sister the balance she struggles to achieve.
I wish I could change my dad to be more emotionally involved and aware for my mother.
I wish I could give my father the close-knit and enthusiastically loving family that he wants.
I want everyone to be happy including me but I don’t think it’ll ever happen. In fact, I think it might just get worse.
It would be nice to be more optimistic by nature rather than being such a realist; I would be less exhausted and wouldn’t have to deal with turning away and forcing myself to move on from things…
Ahh, I don’t know what to do. Fuck, fuck, fuck.